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She Put Me On The Dirty Back to Top… I was browsin' the web, searchin' my name and up pops a red flag, I'm on a Wall of Shame I remember that chick, but HALF of it ain't true I kinda remember that night... her & and her cousin from out of town Passed out, and I thought, no-one will ever know... and I ain't tellin' She's surely not brunette, surely not blonde She was dirty, and surely enough, Shirley put me on the Dot Com Aw god, you gotta be kiddin' me I tapped her three times and now she's submittin' me? I told her she was takin' the "pol" in "polygamy" Was upfront about it, and around back by Round Three Now she's made public my every dirty dish She ended my Lavalife and my Plenty of Fish! She put me on The Dirty The Dirty Dot Com She put me on The Dirty The Dirty Dot Com She put me on The Dirty The Dirty Dot Com She put me on The Dirty The Dirty Dot Com There was things I wouldn't do the farm animals that I was doin' to you! And now the whole world knows that it's true! And like the situation, I can't even get a reservation in this town It seems that I'm through! I got a bad reputation (Now ya got a bad reputation!) So don't believe the story... She's all hole... no glory! And not even sorry, for puttin' this erection into witness protection in the 604 section She put me on The Dirty The Dirty Dot Com She put me on The Dirty The Dirty Dot Com She put me on The Dirty The Dirty Dot Com She put me on The Dirty The Dirty Dot Com She said as a gentleman I could do better I could never remember her name and kept callin' her "Blue Sweater" and after the first date I told her we should take a time out til she caught me with her cousin ("No Blouse!") And now everyone on this website will find out the darkness that is I when she turns the lights out! Puttin' words in my mouth cuz of what I put in hers My stocks gone down, I feel like a Sucker-berg! My smile accounts depleted, No E-Harmony for me So every single scheme and every single scandal Got me covered in dirt that Tide can't even handle She put me on The Dirty The Dirty Dot Com She put me on The Dirty The Dirty Dot Com She put me on The Dirty The Dirty Dot Com She put me on The Dirty The Dirty Dot Com Love You In The Mouth Back to Top… ( Where da party at... Where da party at? ) Hawaii, Mexico, Vegas on the strip Where's the Action, Where's It Gonna Happen It's the capital of your nation, checkin' in your reservation Where's the Action, Where's It Gonna Happen From romantic to frantic in the wink of an eye... Where's the Action, Where's It Gonna Happen You might have somewhere else in mind but for now I'm gonna let it slide... Because I wanna love you in the mouth I wanna love you in the mouth I wanna love you in the mouth I gotsta love you in the mouth GPS in your hand says balls across the chin girl Where's the Action, Where's It Gonna Happen No baggage to check, cause I'm already in girl Where's the Action, Where's It Gonna Happen Thats the spot - now go ahead and scratch that itch Where's the Action, Where's It Gonna Happen You don't need no map, you've got a really good sense of erection I wanna love you in the mouth I wanna love you in the mouth I wanna love you in the mouth I gotst love you in the mouth (Where da party at... Where da party at) I don't care about shoes, not even a skirt I didn't even notice you were wearin' a shirt I got my eyes on your lips, forget the hips It's like a bright red sign sayin' "PARTY AHEAD!" Your eyes are sayin' "YES YES" and like a third base coach your tongue is wavin' me in And the balls in your court, now show me what you got cuz I'm live on release and you better make it hot Hot! And Mac D's got my back, I got her warmed up, Mac Now come on, tag up and finish her off Finish her off! My love burns for you the way I burn calories when I'm like a dentist when fillin' your oral cavity I prefer it in the morning like a BLT Now show this long cock a little TLC Female, please, I long for you Look, it's long for you I'll do anything I'll even rap a little song or two I like your latitude but licked your longitudes It's poundin' like my heart is, baby, it throbs for you Do it on the roof, or do it in the kitchen it's like chicken noodle soup - minus the soup and the chicken Anything you needed, Mac did it for ya Now I need somethin' from you - there's a tic tac in it for ya Our forbidden love, yes, our deepest secrets til Romeo passes Juliette some secrets I can't help how I feel, It's the real deal I treated you like a queen, now it's your turn to kneel I wanna love you in the mouth I wanna love you in the mouth I wanna love you in the mouth I gotsta love you in the mouth Where da party at Where da party at Where da party at Where da party at Choke Artist Back to Top… Take it from a Choke Artist... (Aw dat's good baby) Take it from a Choke Artist... (But I think you can do a little better) Take it from a Choke Artist.... To the back of the Van we Gogh! So lemme know and holler when you're ready to go pro! I seen all the potential that all your references noted And now, you got the job, so don't blow it! While I'm in you we're in this together Tactic Five Five, more than men but mentors If your friend wants to learn as well, I'll let her She can step to the plate, tonight's a double-header Clear the floor & put down a towel and give a brief goodbye to your usage of vowels Don't be foul to the wisdom ya witnessed... I'm just tryin' to help you get artistic with your lipstick Take it from a Choke Artist Take it from a Choke Artist (Choke Artist) You might be lost for words, you might think you can hold your breath I got some tricks, I got tips, batter up, you're next as a I teach you to paint a portrait You need to breathe through your ears, not your lips But NO HANDS! And the trumpets will play as you near the pearly gates and when you listen hard, you can hear the angels sing! I'm a Da Vinci, with a plan, Renaissance man for the clam Yes I am! No hands! Then BAM!!! That's when the student has become the master as she paints the Sistine Chapel with her tongue I close my eyes and smile... What a sweet, Choke, Artist you've become! What a sweet, Choke, Artist you've become! What a sweet, Choke, Artist you've become! You're mouth's the opening act to my circus, and when you swallow the sword Standing ovations from the bleachers, spotlight is yours There was nothing she wouldn't try, nothing she wouldn't do She would swing from a chandalier to please and excite you From meat to vegetables, festivals to spectacles She walks the wire with no saftey net below She could read a roadmap with her tongue.. Yeah, she was good with brail Well some of the best, some of the best things in life are free You takin' a dick in the mouth you know you can do (RIGHT BY ME!) It was an early show, and there was four on the floor and there was an encore for MORE AND MORE AND MORE I'm on that hotel, no tell, SOMEWHERE on the strip Comin' on like the Blue Man Group I'm hangin' and bangin' and bangin' and bangin' Seven point nine on the dick-ter scale and her mouth was like Vegas... And I was quite surprised to see the look in your face When you were flat on your back with stars in her eyes showin' pride for a masterpiece, I autographed that canvas With an eruption I bet your mother felt Take it from a Choke Artist Take it from a Choke Artist Take it from a Choke Artist Take it from a Choke Artist Open up wide, breathe deep, and raise your soft-pallete, Alice you're up to the challenge, count it I got the poll, you're on the ballot Callous of me to just pull it out for you to make friends with and give you the same instructions that you get from your dentist when I'm the man below I'm Michaelangelo with the camel-toe But I'm passin' you the brush HUSH! Part of the art is trust Well, she was sayin' NO WAY to the threeway til she saw you in the doorway and said (Okay we'll have it your way) Have you whistlin' and moanin' like Lisa from love to louvre From Dutchmaster to much faster, bravo, look at you Now, nice and slow, nice and slow from mistress to maestro You got me tickin' and tickin' like a timebomb! Time to blow! (tick tick tick tick BAM!!!) What a sweet, Choke, Artist you've become! What a sweet, Choke, Artist you've become! What a sweet, Choke, Artist you've become! (Aw that's good baby... that's real good...) Shaved Back to Top… Shaved... Just for you Shaved... You know I like it brand new Shaved... Like Hawaiian ice Shaved... Smooth on the cheek, aw that's nice Shaved... Smooth like expensive whiskey Shaved... You got me feelin' frisky Shaved... Soft to the core, I'm all yours Shaved... Nothin' less, nothin' more I ain't no hiker in the black forest, I like the clean, sweet Brazillian beaches Only whiskers I like is your cat and only fuzz I like is on the peaches I gots you a brand new blade Now put my money where my mouth is Remove the natural habitat and out the pussycat pounces Shaved... I'm comin' back for an encore, You always want more Shaved... No need to find a rhyme, when it's this fine And look at that shine Shaved...You dream and cream, as I swirl for the curl, Yeah girl It's okay, you don't have to say a word And I seal the deal... (Surfs up...) Shaved... This ain't my last curtain call Shaved... I'm comin' back for an encore, you want more Shaved... And they're flappin' like a screen door, in a windstorm, yeah Shaved... As I wet my appetite Shaved... I keep it real in between, and the smooth, and the lips like camel cream Shaved... You can feel the steam Shaved... With the flow, yeah, but I like it and I lick it Shaved... My swirl make your toe curl Ain't no need for... aphrodeci-ite... What was to be an obligation now it's just plain outta sight And I'm a take you down And ya seal the deal, aw, and you squeal, aw Shaved...I'm comin' back for an encore, You always want more Shaved... No need to find a rhyme, when it's this fine And look at that shine Shaved... You dream and cream, as I swirl for the curl Yeah girl It's okay, you don't have to say a word It's okay, you don't have to say a word Salmon Handshake Back to Top… When you ain't got time for small-talk and you all know London Bridge goes down Well you can't talk about your backyard milkshakes but that ain't nothin' to a Salmon Handshake Skull & Bones, Bilderbergers, Masons, Stonecutters they all got their secret greetings... But she's got a move, That makes me hit the ceiling Salmon Handshake Salmon Handshake It's definitely not weak, and I wouldn't call it firm It's the perfect catch, as I go rod to worm It's highly recommended by me you find yourself one It's likely you'll never feel more warmly welcomed Gentle streams to rapids, it'll hold you tight so don't be bashful with your bait cuz it won't quite bite Nice to meetcha... Shakin' in your lake to greet cha Salmon Handshake Salmon Handshake Salmon Handshake Salmon Handshake She puts the welcome wagon up on blocks Puts her hands up on your shoulders and she starts a' rockin' dockin', all without a stockin' Like a mid-air refuellin' that you'd seen on TV Now take it Mac... Now she's shakin' really fast and got me singin' like Billy Bass to the tune of the tuna I can feel a splash on the way soon Hey you! I just gotta ask How do you feel about gettin packed in the can?! Packed in the can Never good at introductions what's your Tactic, what's your function Shake it baby, Shake it baby get it wetter than the Hudson Polar Bear plungin' to skinny-dippin' I'm there Swimmin' upstream and I'm always prepared Now girls if you're kinda shy and you see a guy, and you don't know how to go about and make the ice break Walk right up to him and look him in the eye and say How 'bout a nice Salmon Handshake Salmon Handshake Salmon Handshake Salmon Handshake Salmon Handshake Just Liquor & Tap That Ass Back to Top… My baby's got a birthday And I knows just what to get It's gotta be somethin' special good that she won't soon forget Well her very best girlfriend told me And she knows just what ya need She said forget the jewels, forget the bling And whispered in my ear I'm thinking diamond rings - Liquor I'm thinkin' pearls - Liquor I'm 'bout to make it rain - Liquor But she says liquor - Just liquor She knows what you want - Liquor She knows what you need - Liquor She whispered in my ear - Just liquor Walkin' down the isle of the liquor spot Thinkin' will she love it, will she love it not Maybe Sour Puss, she might be a sweet tooth Where's the Merlot? Should I Love Her In The Vermouth? Goin' outta my mind for the right drink 'Til her best friend said I shouldn't overthink She said don't beat around the Busch Just liquor I'm thinkin' pearls - Liquor I'm 'bout to make it rain - Liquor But she says liquor - Just liquor She knows what you want - Liquor She knows what you need - Liquor She kept tellin' me - Just liquor I been at this liquor barn all day And I don't think my baby wants Bombay Jose? No way... Not today She wants it sweeter than tequila but harder than chardonnay To the next isle, it's takin' me awhile Oh, the lengths I go for the vertical smile Then I dialed her very best friend for advice She giggled a little and tried to put it nice She said keep it simple, and just liquor How bout pearls - Liquor I'm 'bout to make it rain -Liquor But she says liquor Just liquor She knows what you want - Liquor She knows what you need - Liquor She kept tellin' me - Just liquor I'm tappin' it, I'm tappin' it I'mma tap that ass I'm tappin' it I'm tappin' it I'mma tap that ass I'm tappin' it, I'm tappin' it I'mma tap that ass I'm tappin' it I'm tappin' it I'mma tap that ass I'mma tap that ass, early in the mornin' I'mma tap that ass, without any warnin' You won't need no alarm clock, cause I'm already up You can hit that snooze button all you want But I ain't gonna stop, But I ain't gonna stop I'm tappin' it, I'm tappin' it I'mma tap that ass Well that sweet semen syphen suction that you started really seemed to satisfy I couldn't help but think that something deepdown was gonna fertilize Well I grab you by the ears pull you in Now take one for the team Face deep in wendy's baconator, if you know what I mean I'm tappin' it, I'm tappin' it I'mma tap that ass Fat chance I won't tap that ass Can I have this dance, 'til Big Daddy cuts in? And I'll have you up in the mornin' 'till the replay Got you up on the table like a DJ Got you on the pool table, ball in hand 'Til it breaks, and we both fall, like damn Doin' all I can To keep tappin' it, tappin' it Take it all, wake up call Hey, what's happenin' I'm tappin' it, I'm tappin' it I'mma tap that ass Lift you up the way I lifted your skirt And now I'm takin' a breather to let you do all the work A real slam dunk, give-and-go, the MJ of BJ's Back it up like a hype, or let the beat play Wham bam, tap-tappin' that ass 'Til I gotta run, honey, the past is the past Thanks for the invite, you were a treat But I'm quick with that ass as I am on my feet I'm tappin' it, I'm tappin' it I'mma tap that ass I'm tappin' it I'm tappin' it I'mma tap that ass I'm tappin' it, I'm tappin' it I'mma tap that ass I'm tappin' it I'm tappin' it I'mma tap that ass Just Stick It In The Hole Back to Top… Tee it up, boys, Worm Burner... I guess your next the guy before you lost his balls in my rough How'd you like a "Double Eagle" Well I remember it like it was yesterday She had a smile that would take my breath away She was more lovely and temperate than a midsummer's day She had me swept away in a Shakespeare play I bought her presents & flowers, and wrote her poetry For dinner I request the pleasure of her company Turns out, none of that mattered Cuz this is what she said to me Just Stick It In The Hole, Stick It In The Hole Just Stick It In The Hole, Just Stick It In The Hole I took her to Putt & Play on a bright sunny day I gave her tunnels & funnels cuz that's how we play Indoor or outdoor didn't matter for this game Cuz after awhile, every hole looks the same She was confident with her swing, didn't need to teach her how That was fine with me, I was never one for reach-arounds She liked it in the rough, but I'm mean on the green Cuz I'm a Back Nine Bandit if ya know what we mean Just Stick It In The Hole, Stick It In The Hole Just Stick It In The Hole, Just Stick It In The Hole As we walked up to the green, I admired the smell of her fresh cut trim She gave me a look that said "Sink it in!" "This might be a long shot... But I think I can drain it from here" We had a five-way, there was foreplay on the fairway She spread her legs and looked up at me and said "Would you like to play through me?" You bet I would, and did "Your wood's got a sweet spot Bogie! Bogie! Double Bogie! Triple Bogie!" She wasn't the only pro on the course that day And with a wink, she kissed my ball for luck and it worked And with a follow through that just wouldn't quit With no caddy, she could handle bags That sand-trap brat I left her wet & one-under Just Stick It In The Hole, Stick It In The Hole Just Stick It In The Hole, Just Stick It In The Hole Where's The Remote Back to Top… Listening was never my strong suit So I'm anxious to give you the one-button salute Mute, mute, But that can't happen til I find it and end that yappin' Where's the remote You say there's a signal, but all I hear is static Change the channel this is not my tactic Can't read the subtitles, they're all blurry Okay now I'm in a hurry Where's the remote It runs on triple A's and you got double D's but it still ain't enough, and now I'm uneased Checkin' under the couch, look, you got me on my knees C'mon baby PLEASE! Where's the remote Sorry for changin' you, but I got the full package, and honestly, your ratings blew and now you're askin' for a dinner date with you Oh, now I'm on Pay Per View Where's the remote I gotta change the channel, gotta change the channel Where's the remote I gotta turn you down, gotta turn you down, down Where's the remote You flipped the coin and I flipped the cushion but you kept pushin' Where's the remote Somebody, anybody... WHERE'S THE REMOTE A noise kept comin', I can't shut her down I flipped all of the cushions-- nowhere to be found Complainin' and naggin', an unbearable sound An unbearable sound Where's the remote You don't have a mute button, can't turn you down The mindless babble, and without reason It's got me fed up, and now I'm screamin' Have you seen the remote Where's the remote What used to be my favorite station is boring now, nothin' but frustration I've seen the re-runs, it's the same old story Forget the mute, I'm givin' you the boot! Where's the remote I flipped the cushions, elbows deep I might as well be lookin for the little bo peep who lost her sheep, forget the sheep HAVE YOU SEEN THE REMOTE Where's the remote I gotta change the channel, gotta change the channel Where's the remote I gotta turn you down, gotta turn you down, down Where's the remote You flipped the coin and I flipped the cushion but you kept pushin'! Where's the remote Somebody, anybody... WHERE'S THE REMOTE There's a bit of a contrast in your comcast and I feel another repeat comin' on fast I don't think I can watch another episode I gotta find that thing, before the credits roll Sister bicker-bicker, please babe, the clicker this Hi-Def is leavin' me deaf, I gotta switch ya Don't get me wrong, I love the picture but the sound that surround me's drowning out my ticker I miss the feel, it was long and ideal I need the power, I need the glory But most of all, I need the Monday Night Raw stories No chance in hell What a face! a Nancy Disgrace In high definition! I even checked the kitchen I'm just not complete without you in my hand Where's the remote The Bacon's Hangin' Back to Top… I love the way you play, The way you take it all Your applications on the table... Yeah, you got the job Open your can of smoked oysters, and let me in Now let's get to work, and funnel this hog Balls bounce across your chin like they were on parade A festival of tongues, no words, a charade I never have to ask if you're ready, Signal's clear When I look down and see The Bacon's Hangin' Like two slices of cheddar cheese The Bacon's Hangin' Shinin' down with a little grease The Bacon's Hangin' Like a sleeve of a wizard to her knees The Bacon's Hangin'... Hangin' for me It's time someone put you to the test Just how wild do you wanna get? Well... I'm ready And I got plans to take you further than Planet X This ain't love It's hot mop and bucket Dirty, filty... Mop and bucket The bacon's hangin', and breakin' sweat A river runs through it, you could say she's wet This cock is hard, And startin' to sweat I better take the ass, before I forget... The Bacon's Hangin' Like two slices of cheddar cheese The Bacon's Hangin' Shinin' down with a little grease The Bacon's Hangin' Like a sleeve of a wizard to her knees The Bacon's Hangin'... Hangin' for me Do you wanna suck cock, or keep dreamin' about it? I'm gonna wrap my tongue around your clit like bacon 'round a scallop Now I'm the elephant in the room no one wants to talk about Don't be afraid... Now lick the trunk, lick the trunk Gonna walk all over you, you can tell I've done this before And play you like a violin Make you sing, Sing like a choir In three-part ecstacy Now do that keigle thing you do Milk it, milk it - Chorus - When you take this dick right 'round the bend Cock balls & all, I'll be your best friend Candy face, candy face Sprinkles on your cheeks and peaches on your ass Candy face, I ain't ever have to ask Smilin', havin' fun, rubbin' on your bum As you come, to conclusions That you're havin' big fun Now it's halfway down your throat Now hope you don't choke Makin' me feel like, a king of the castle Dirty rascal - just like Eddie Hascal Stop, look, listen Kiss 'em, lick 'em, and don't tell Leave it to me to leave the beaver roadkill Hotel? No way I say foreplay, you say no way Foreplay - No way Foreplay - No way The Bacon's Hangin' Like two slices of cheddar cheese The Bacon's Hangin' Shinin' down with a little grease The Bacon's Hangin' Like a sleeve of a wizard to her knees The Bacon's Hangin' Hangin' for me Bonus Track Back to Top… Bonus Track... This is the Bonus track Bonus Track... |